Broken days
by hamlet-972
Summary: Yet another songfic... Remus's is having some problems...


**disaclaimer: **No no no no no... I'm don't own anything...

A/N: Another songfic... This is one of my favorite songs... It makes me cry and it makes me depressed, but I still love it... The song is For my pain's Broken days. Please review...

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Broken days

_Another broken day passed by_

_Another dead night is waiting to come alive_

_You are already trying to find_

_One more way to hide from the burning light_

_You don't want to see _

_You don't want to feel_

_Nothing but your hopeless destiny_

He took a deep breath. He could do this. He wanted to do this. This was the only way. He had to do this.

He took the knife in his hand and looked at it. It looked so innocent and harmless. And so helpful. He rested the knife on his arm. He felt how cold it was. Then he heard steps and laughing. The door opened.

"You should've seen Snivellus's face, Moony! I bet-"Sirius Black and James Potter froze.

"Why are you sitting in the dark?" James asked grinning and turned the light on. Remus Lupin lifted his shoulders quickly.

"So, you got your homework done?" James asked then and sat on his bed.

Remus nodded. "Yeah. All done. You guys had fun?"

James grinned. "Hell yeah. Right, Padfoot?"

Sirius just nodded as he lied down on his bed gazing at Remus suspiciously.

"You okay, mate?" James worried.

"I'm fine, Prongs." Sirius mumbled. "I thought you're meeting Lily?" He asked.

"Oh shit, I forgot! I got to go!" Before Sirius or Remus had the time to answer, James was gone.

"Remus?" Sirius asked.

"Yeah?"

"You know that you can tell me if anything's wrong, right?"

Remus nodded. "Of course."

"There's nothing you can't tell me. You know that, don't you?"

"Yeah, I know."

Sirius sighed and closed his eyes.

_You can always cry but never complain_

_All those bitter tears will it ease the pain_

_(It's) Part of the crying game will it ease the pain_

"Moony?" Sirius asked carefully and closed the dorm door. "Moony, are you here?"

He got no answer, but he saw Remus sitting on his bed.

"Remus? You okay?"

He gasped when he went to him.

Remus sat on the bed legs against his chest and another arm pointing the opposite bed. There was too deep cuts in his straighten arm which were bleeding. On the bed next to him lay the knife. Tears rolled down on his cheeks.

"Remus?" Sirius whispered.

Remus raised his head. "Sirius." He said quietly.

"What have you done?"

"Nothing." He replied simply. "Just... Nothing." Sirius noticed some bitterness in his voice.

"Nothing? Your arm is bleeding and you call this nothing?"

"Sirius, I don't have the energy for this right now. Can you just please leave?" Remus almost begged.

"Remus-"

"Sirius, please!"

"Fine. Fine. I'll go. But we have to talk about this."

_When everything should be fine_

_I still found you depressed and crying all the time_

_It seems to me that you want to feel like you're dying_

_Kiss the darkness and turn your back to the light_

_You don't want to feel _

_You don't want to see_

_Nothing but your hopeless destiny_

"Okay, whatta hell was it?"

"I don't want to talk about it, Sirius."

"Well, I'm not asking what you want! You are hurting yourself and I want to know why!" Sirius cried.

"No, you don't."

"Yes, I bloody do! How am I supposed to help you, if I don't know what's wrong with you?!"

"I don't want your help."

Sirius froze. "What?" He asked blinking.

"I said, I don't want your help." Remus repeated. "I don't need your help. I don't need anybody's help. I can take care of myself."

"No, you can't. You're hurting yourself. Are you saying that you want to do that?" Sirius asked disbelieved.

Remus sighed. "I don't know what I want. But I know that I don't want your help. You can't help me. No one can."

He took a deep breath. "Sometimes I feel like I want to jump out of a window and just die. I'm so sick of the wolf inside me. I will never be free because of it. It's killing me, Sirius. Every time you call me Moony, I feel like you would've punched me in the face. I can't take it anymore."

Sirius wrapped his arms around the smaller boy who had burst out crying.

"I'm sorry, Remmie." Sirius whispered. "I'm so sorry."

_You can always cry but never complain_

_All those bitter tears will it ease the pain_

_(It's) Part of the crying game will it ease the pain_

He sat in the dark and took a deep breath. He took the knife in his hand and cut. Blood started to stream slowly. He leaned his head on the cold wall and gave a silent laugh. He was free. He was free again.

But it wouldn't last for long. In the minute when the blood stopped streaming, when the physical pain disappeared, the mental pain returned.

But it would take at least 24 hours before the physical pain was completely gone. He was free for a short moment, but he loved every second of it.

Tears started to roll down his cheek. He wasn't sure why he cried. He just did. And it made him feel so much better.

_Even when the dead nights are gone those broken days remain_

_All those bitter tears will it ease the pain_

_(It's) Part of the crying game will it ease the pain_

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A/N: Thanks for reading, now review...


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